


The Cherry Blossom Collection

by TalesOfOnyxBats



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-19 13:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16535642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesOfOnyxBats/pseuds/TalesOfOnyxBats
Summary: A collection of stories from TyZula week.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Day 1: Cherry Blossom
> 
> Azula feels as though she needs to change everything she is in order to be with TyLee.

Their relationship was built on cherry blossoms petals.

It could drift away like cherry blossom petals.

They are so fleeting, they wither and die so fast. And Azula feared that she and TyLee would just as well. She didn’t want to lose TyLee, but she couldn’t see herself being able to keep her either. TyLee was warm and kind, friendly and bubbly. Azula, herself, was cold and stoic, intimidating and unapproachable. She thought that perhaps TyLee deserved someone better than she. Someone more chipper and easier to love.

TyLee was a cherry blossom and she was a rose. Roses have thorns and rougher parts to annunciate their beauty and keep people well away.

TyLee was silk and she was velvet. Velvet, rich and dark but not as light and inviting as silk.

She wanted to be silk too. She wanted to be a cherry blossom.

And so she tried to force it.

To be exactly who she wasn’t.

For a time she could almost pretend that it had worked. For a time she could almost pretend that she was kind and caring and worth caring for. For a time she could pretend that she was compassionate and loving. Maybe if she kept it up it would be real. But in truth it was awkward and uncanny and probably only served to push everyone away.

Because now she wasn’t a cherry blossom nor a rose but something in between, some undesirable hybrid that was meant to blacken and wither. A cherry blossom had companions, many of them lined up in the same tree. A cherry blossom attracted cherry blossoms. Even a rose had company alongside others on the rose bush. Even if they only spit venom and half-truths at each other. Even if they were prickly and hard to love, they were so in sets. In trying to become a cherry blossom, Azula had no common ground with anyone.

She couldn’t see herself getting that back. She no longer had the will if she were being perfectly honest with herself. She couldn’t quite remember how to be who she was before. She couldn’t quite remember if she was truly anyone at all.

She wanted to become a cherry blossom to keep the one she had.

In doing so she lost her cherry blossom.

In doing so she was alone.

Broken.

Broken until it became a comfort to be so. There was no risk of falling when she was already at the bottom. At the bottom with no one and nothing, where flowers of any kind refused to blossom. Where it was only dirt and rock.

And sometimes if she looked up she could see those soft delicate petals drifting down. A glimpse at what she had once had. What she had pushed away.

She could hear TyLee laugh, but it wasn’t for her nor with her. She had a new girlfriend, a cherry blossom like herself. But a real one. Not a rose with petals painted pink. A real one. This girl liked to dance, she was elegant and sweet and took TyLee into twirls and spins. They fluttered through the air as cherry blossoms ought to.

But never touching the ground where Azula remained alone.

When she was a child she would burn the flowers that weren’t as pretty as the others. She would burn the ones that grew alone. The ones that were out of place. She would preen the bushes of their blemishes. And perhaps she—an abomination, hybrid sort of monstrosity—ought to be purged as well. It would be as simple as lighting the flame and standing still as it edged closer, licking at her petals.

Yes.

She ought to do that.

And so she did.

She lit the hem of her robe and watched it burn away. Watched the flame creep up her arm until it smothered. Just as she was angry when her mother stopped her from burning the palace garden, she cried out in anger when TyLee suffocated the flames on her sleeve.

She doesn’t know why TyLee had bothered. TyLee liked the pretty flowers. The ones with pristine petals and soft pastel hues. She liked her new woman. Her cherry blossom. Her real cherry blossom. So why would she bother with a withering half-rose, half-cherry blossom? Azula thought that she might just want them both.

But she can’t have a bouquet.

Azula didn’t want to be part of a bouquet.

TyLee reached out and stroked her hair, her delicate petals. Her eyes were as soft as usual and Azula thought that maybe this whole time, she was making problems where there were none. That TyLee hadn’t wanted her to change at all. That if she hadn’t gone and tried to be exactly the opposite of Azula, then she wouldn’t be there down at the bottom.

She couldn’t help it, she cried. Cried tears as genuine as her laugh had been fake. As true as her peppy façade was forced. For it she found herself in TyLee’s arms, trying to get a handle on herself. Not quite succeeding. At least she wasn’t alone.

Miserable.

Broken.

Hurt.

But not alone.

She hoped that being held so closely meant that TyLee had chosen her over the other. Azula wouldn’t hold her breath, things didn’t come easily to her anymore. Love never had in the first place. TyLee brushed a few tears off of her cheeks. For once she thought that maybe it might, if only she could stop overthinking it. And she vocalized such.

“You wouldn’t be Azula if you didn’t over think things.”

Somehow hearing her say it was comforting.

Because with it the last of that ridiculous false-self fell away.

  
She was Azula again. She was a rose. She was velvet.

And finally it set in that perhaps she didn’t have to be anything else at all. That she was meant to be a rose just the way TyLee was meant to be a cherry blossom. It finally set in that TyLee wanted a rose instead of a cherry blossom. TyLee wanted velvet instead of silk. That TyLee wanted cynical, stand-offish, and controlling Azula.

It set in that perhaps TyLee could ignore the thorns, or work around them—maybe carefully clip them off. That she could get around them and see the petals, vivid and red and worth a few pricks and cuts. So she let TyLee hold her and tell her pretty things. Pretty things that very well could be true. Pretty things until being a rose finally felt acceptable.

Right.

TyLee was a cherry blossom.

Azula was a rose.


	2. Sleeping Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TyZula Week day 2: Betrayal 
> 
> After years of manipulation by Azula, TyLee decides to play on Azula’s guilt manipulate back. Eventually things come to a head.

Betrayal hurt but it was no longer a surprise. It was normal, an expectation. First Zuko and then Mai. TyLee was an inevitable follow up. But in the longer term Azula has decided that it wasn’t TyLee who had done the betraying at all. It was she. She when she asked TyLee to give up her dreams. She when she kicked the girl down to prop herself up. She when she called TyLee a tease. Yes, she’d stuck TyLee in the back more than a dozen times during their friendship. TyLee had simply gone and stabbed back. For it, Azula couldn’t be angry anymore. She would have done the same. So she compiles herself a list, a list of all the times she had done something to betray TyLee’s trust or to use her as a pawn or a scapegoat in her silly mind games. Which—the way she saw it—was a fancy way of betraying her in itself. She compiles the list and she reads it over and over again, to remind herself that she has gotten what she deserved. To remind herself that she wasn’t actually the betrayed but the betrayer.

She compiles the list and reads it to herself, to remind herself that she shouldn’t have allowed herself to get close to TyLee again. Even if it had been TyLee who made the first move. She knows that it is only a matter of time. They will only hurt and betray each other again and Azula doesn’t know if she can handle it a second time.

It keeps her awake at night.

It keeps her awake when she lays in bed next to TyLee.

She wonders when the last night will be.

She wishes that she could go back, wishes that she could have prevented the first betrayal. But she doesn’t think she could have. It was the product of a long line of events. Mishaps. Mistrusts. Subtle insults that added up. And they were all from her lips. Never from TyLee’s.

These days it is though. It isn’t like TyLee to say harsh things, to deliver low blows. But when it came to Azula things are different, she is never short of awful things. Always little, subtle things. She has learned from the best. And Azula will take it. She would take it because she had earned it. She would take it because she so desperately wants companionship and love.

She desperately wants things to be as they once were, before the betrayal.

Azula looks over at TyLee’s sleeping form. When she is nice, she is the kindest soul. But she, has the sharpest edge when she isn’t being nice.

Oftentimes Azula finds herself doing things that she doesn’t want to do. Fetching things for TyLee, going to places that don’t interest her—and sometimes truly upset her. All it takes s a simple, “you ruined my chances at the circus, you owe me this much.”

Which is fair enough, but it seems that her debt is never paid. That it never will be. And she can’t seem to argue because she doesn’t want to lose TyLee. Even if that wasn’t the case, she can’t rid herself of her own guilt and TyLee is playing on that. Azula knows this, she used to do it, but she doesn’t have the will to do anything about it.

That morning’s dispute involved Azula not wanting to wear the outfit TyLee had suggested. Pink isn’t Azula’s color and she was getting tired of wearing it. So she dared to say no, she dared to call back to her old, domineering self. Eventually she found herself wearing something that didn’t suit her at all. Something that made her feel awkward and uncomfortable. She doesn’t like midriff bearing shirts, TyLee knows that. In retrospect, she thinks that, that is exactly why TyLee had made her choice. But she didn’t want to make the girl mad. She didn’t want to lose their delicate romance. It was hanging on such a hair of a thread.

She thinks about it as she lies next to TyLee. She thinks that she is no longer herself anymore, but a variant of TyLee. And she thinks that maybe she had shaped—or tried to shape—TyLee into a version of herself. So she decides that she is obligated to be whoever TyLee fancies her being. Even if it doesn’t suit her even slightly.

All the same, she just wants to be Azula.

These days she doesn’t feel like Azula at all even when TyLee lets her choose her own attire.

Even when she isn’t wearing the short, pastel pink nightgown Tylee has chosen. She runs her fingers down the length of it. It is too short, it isn’t warm enough. She is having trouble sleeping because she knows that things are coming to a head. That she isn’t going to be able to do this much longer. As TyLee sleeps she sheds a few silent tears because she is going to be alone again soon. And this time it truly will be TyLee who does the betraying.

She realizes that somewhere down the lines their roles have swapped and it unsettles her. When had she become so submissive and feeble. It must have been when her mind broke. When her mind broke and the guilt seeped into the cracks.

She has lost so much of herself to try to gain love.

She wipes at her eyes and turns away from TyLee.

**.oOo.**

Azula’s morning starts with her being told where she is going to go. She rubs her hands over her face as TyLee talks. She is so tired. Tired of trying to please. Tired of trying make up for things she had done in their youth. She doesn’t know how much more she can handle.

“We’re going to go to the play and then we’ll come back here and we’ll have dinner…”

No doubt the meal will be her choice and odds are it will be sea food because she knows that it is Azula’s last choice. She lets TyLee go on and on about her plans for the day. And her heart aches because she knows that she is going to be alone again. She knows that she is going to be alone with no lover and no friends because TyLee asks, “that sounds good, right?”

Azula says no. She was going to leave it at that but TyLee frowns. She is growing angry, Azula can see it. She regrets saying no at all, but she doesn’t go back on it. It felt as bad as it did go, to repeat herself and elaborate…reiterate that she will not be seeing a show she has no interest in, wearing another dress that makes her look unflattering.

It is a small victory, she feels like she has a small chunk of her old self back. It feels nice to not be so embarrassingly passive.

It feels amazing to tell TyLee that she has become exactly what she hated the most in Azula. That she had learned so well and that she is just as manipulative as Azula had been during her prime. It feels empowering to finally tell TyLee that she thinks that she has already paid for what she had done and then some. It feels better to declare that maybe she doesn’t deserve this, not anymore. She is satisfied.

But as soon as TyLee scowls and walks out, all she feels is terrible dread. She doesn’t think that the woman is going to come back and she has a startling feeling that she is going to turn Mai against her. It won’t be hard for her to do, their friendship is even rockier and hanging on a thread much thinner than the one she and TyLee have. She is going to whisper in the ears of Zuko and Sokka and Katara and Toph…and then Aang too. And Azula is going to have no one again.

She sits on her bed and draws her legs up to her chest.

She knows that she can try to go downstairs and talk to them first, but she feels as though her word has much less weight than TyLee’s.

She tries to put her mind off of it. She dresses herself in a deep red shirt and a matching pair of trousers. She doesn’t need it, but she slips into her armor—perhaps for old times sake. She wears her hair in a top-knot, the way she likes it. The way that makes her feel secure. She stands in front of the mirror and traces her fingers over her armor.

In the reflection, she sees Azula.

She feels like Azula again.

At least for the moment.

But she wonders all the same if it is worth it. Her heart aches some, because she already misses TyLee. But she misses the old TyLee. The bubbly, perky TyLee. The TyLee, she had effectively erased. She wants them to switch roles again. But she wants to do different this time. She wants her loving, caring TyLee back. She wants her own confidence and strength back. But she wants it with less domineering.

She knows that it is unrealistic. So she crawls back onto her bed and curls herself into a ball and dwells on the days when there was at least an illusion of tenderness and love.

**.oOo.**

Azula doesn’t notice TyLee slip into the room. Not until she feels the bed dip. Something inside of her worries that TyLee is going to physically hurt her this time and she wonders and winces at what they’ve become.  

But the hand that reaches out is tentative and caring. It reminds her of the old TyLee. She wants to smile, but she is scared to hope. Hope has never gotten her anywhere before. But TyLee rubs her back and shoulders in small circle. In the way she knows Azula finds most comforting. Azula doesn’t know what to make of it.

Perhaps it has to do with her father and how he had treated her in the past. Or maybe it is something TyLee has done. Maybe it’s an unhealthy dash of both. But she thinks that this is a deception. The calm before the storm.

She is going to feel hands curling in her hair and yanking up.

TyLee is going to yell at her.

But none of that comes. Instead, TyLee continues to stroke her back until she is almost asleep. And then she finally says. “I needed to hear that, Azula.” She admits. “I was losing myself.” She thinks that TyLee will say no more but after a moment she continues. “I was so…angry. I thought that I would just give you a hard time for a little bit and then stop, but I think that I got caught up in it…”

“I suppose that I needed a bit of a hard time” Azula confesses.

“But you didn’t need all of that.”

 

Azula shrugs, not knowing what else to do or say. Frankly a part of her still believes that she did deserve all of it. “Didn’t I?” It was barely above a whisper, she hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

“You didn’t.” TyLee sighs.

“I did it first.” Azula mumbles. She still doesn’t face TyLee. “I made you do things you didn’t want to do…” She pauses. “I tried to change you. I. I think it worked.”

She sees TyLee wince. “It didn’t.”

But Azula knows that she has changed TyLee, for the worse. And in turn TyLee has returned the favor. They are damaging to each other. And so Azula pulls away. Not that night. Not even the next morning. But she pulls away.

She tells the woman to leave.

**.oOo.**

It has been no easy feat.  Sometimes she still looks at TyLee and fears catastrophe. Even after so many years. Even with so much time having passed. She still worries that she will do something to put them back where they had been so long ago. To put them back to the times when she tried to force TyLee into things she hated. To put them back to the more recent times, some three years back, when TyLee tried to shape her in just the same way.

She is afraid that they will fall back into more manipulative, abusive days.

She is afraid of more betrayal.

On her worst days she fears that both of them are concealing knives and are ready to plunge them into each other’s backs at the same time.

But TyLee reassures her. TyLee says that they are past that. But Azula still worries, she worries almost regularly. Maybe it is for the best, she thinks that it is what keeps her from her manipulative habits. Her fear is double edged though. Sure, it keeps her from hurting TyLee but at times it keeps her from truly enjoying their relationship.

But things are getting better. She is healing.

They are healing. She can feel it. Slowly.

Slowly but it is progress. Slowly, the fear is leaving.

It started with a very simple thing. “I do trust you Azula.” She took Azula’s hand. “Do you trust me?”

It had been hard to answer. She did. She does. Since their falling out three years back, TyLee has been nothing but kind. Nothing but TyLee. The TyLee she has always known. It is she, herself, who she doesn’t trust. She wants to. She wants to trust them both. So she had nodded. With some hesitation, she had nodded.

Now she tries, tries to let her fear go.

On some days she doesn’t think that she ever will. On others she is certain that she can. Those days where she is certain are becoming more frequent. More frequent as TyLee keeps her upbeat attitude. More frequent as TyLee continues to let the past go. She doesn’t bring it up. She doesn’t hold anything against Azula. She only talks about three years ago and before that, when Azula brings it up.

Azula only ever brings it up when she wants to blame herself. Lately she has been bringing it up more, asking how she could have prevented it. Asking if she could have.

TyLee says no. But TyLee also says that they are past that. That the betrayal had been necessary, that they wouldn’t be where they are—in a healthier place—if it hadn’t happened. And Azula agrees. It is hard to admit to herself, but she agrees. She needed to be betrayed to see that she was doing the betraying, the manipulating.

Just as TyLee needed Azula to put distance between them to truly see that she was becoming her worst self. To see that Azula might have rubbed off on her too much.

**.oOo.**

Azula smiles. TyLee sleeps next to her, and this time Azula’s mind is at ease. This time she has trouble seeing them hurting each other. In fact, it is now hard for her to remember having done so at all. She rolls over in bed and drapes her arm around the woman and scootches closer. With a soft and sleepy hum, TyLee wakes.

“You’re still up?” She asks.

Azula nods, brushing TyLee’s bangs to the side. They are bed-tousled and wavy.

“You’re not over thinking again, are you?”

Azula shakes her head. “No.” She isn’t over thinking. But she is thinking. This time the thoughts are more pleasant though.

TyLee quirks a skeptical brow, “you aren’t thinking about betrayals, are you?”

It is another hard thing to answer. She is, but she is thinking of their progress. Her thoughts are lighter and untroubled. She interlocks her fingers with TyLee’s.  “I guess you can say that I am.” Before TyLee has a chance to grow concerns she adds. “I’m think of how, things are better now.” She pauses. “I guess you can say that I’m thinking about how I’m…thinking about them less.” And then she adds, “I’m not so worried about them anymore.”

TyLee smiles. “Good.” She kisses Azula’s forehead. It is something that has become so comfortingly familiar. It is something that reminds her that they are now okay. That they will be okay, and that they have been okay for quite some time now. She feels TyLee’s grip tighten. Azula cups a hand on TyLee’s cheek and TyLee sets her hand over it. It is comforting twice over. They can’t hold their knives if their hands are occupied with affectionate, kind gestures.

Azula can sleep easy, because she finally knows that she won’t wake up with a knife in her back.

She can sleep easy knowing that TyLee can sleep with just as little stress.

They can sleep easiest still, in each other’s arms.


	3. Fluster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3: Cuteness.
> 
> TyLee decides to buy a pet to add a little something to her relationship with Azula.

Their relationship is a series of things. Things that Azula doesn't expect. Odd and sometimes awkward things. Things that usually start with TyLee asking, "You know what would make our relationship better?"

This time when the question comes up, Azula already has a good idea as to what will be said after she answers, 'what?' So this time she says, "if you say, 'a rabaroo', I'm going to kill you."

"A rabaroo!" TyLee declares anyways. She turns around and pulls something out of a small crate.

Azula groans, she should have seen it coming. She should have known that TyLee had already gone out and brought the thing. She wants to be angry, she truly does, but she can't deny that the animal is rather cute with its big eyes and floppy ears. And that little pouch. Azula crosses her arms and half-heartedly says, "take him back."

TyLee pouts, "but I already named him."

Azula slaps her hand against her forehead, knowing very well that TyLee has always grown attached. "What's his name."

"Tokki." TyLee grins. She places him in Azula's arms. And Azula is even more bitter because now she has grown attached. She strokes his head. "You love him already." TyLee looks so smug.

"I absolutely do not." Azula insists, knowing very well that she completely does. "He is not a dragon."

"I know, but I couldn't find you one of those, so now you have Tokki. You're welcome."

Tokki eyes Azula, his nose twitching. He nuzzles against her. She doesn't want to but she enjoys it. Part of her thinks that this dumb rabaroo is much better than a dragon. He certainly makes TyLee happy. That in itself is enough for Azula.

"You two are so precious." TyLee practically squeals.

Azula rolls her eyes as she continues to stroke between the rabaroo's ears. Still her cheeks begin to color. She doesn't like to think herself cute or adorable or anything that isn't fierce and fiery. TyLee's arms curl around her and she feels a kiss on her flushed cheek.

TyLee has a habit of making her blush. It is actually a rather frequent occurrence these days and Azula doesn't know if this is good or bad. Often it happens when she doesn't anticipate it. It happens a second time that day.

Tokki slumbers rather deeply in his cage, while Azula finds herself wide awake. Sleep has never exactly come easy to her. That night is no different at all. It helps some, that TyLee lays next to her, but her mind still wanders sometimes. And to some decently dark places.

So Azula reaches for TyLee's hand and squeezes. The woman doesn't wake up, after a few years of sharing a bed with her, Azula doesn't expect her to. She knows that TyLee is a rather heavy sleeper. She kisses her anyhow and cuddles up closer. Even after all this time, it is still easier for her to be affectionate when her affections aren't seen. She is still awkward with her romantic gestures, almost embarrassed by them.

But for what it is worth, it reminds her that they haven't left any lasting damage on each other. They are still who they had been before the manipulating, the betrayal, and the mind games. They are who they had been but they are better than that now.

She presses her forehead against TyLee's and tugs her closer still. This time she does wake up and, having been caught in the act, Azula's face grows hot again.

"Can't sleep?" TyLee asks with a sleepy smile.

"Not very well." Azula confesses. She continues to stroke TyLee's arm.

"Why not?"

Azula shrugs. She is relieved that TyLee is patient with her and doesn't get annoyed with the disruption to her sleep. Azula drapes a leg over TyLee's, on this night she wants to be as close as possible. She sees Tokki stir in his cage. TyLee follows her gaze. "At least one of us is sleeping."

"Yes." Azula nods. "That's true." Her face is still feeling rather warm. Before now, TyLee has never caught her initiating the cuddles. But she looks so ridiculously pleased. She hugs Azula very tightly and strokes her upturned cheek. Azula allows herself a small smile. "You try to get some sleep, okay? Tokki and I won't let anything happen to you."

What TyLee doesn't know is that part of the reason she has trouble sleeping is because she is afraid that something will happen to TyLee, that she will wake up one day to find herself alone in bed. But maybe, for once, she ought to let herself be the protected instead of the protector.

"Please?" TyLee hugs her closer.

Azula sighs, she doesn't know how she feels about being protected, even if it is from nothing in particular. "Okay."

TyLee beams wider and her embrace tightens. For a third time within twenty-four hours, Azula's face reddens. She is thankful for the cover of night. But she gets a sense that TyLee knows. She knows Azula. And she knows her well enough to tell when she is flustered without seeing the pink hues. Her aura must be teeming with it because TyLee pokes her nose and remarks, "you're adorable."

"I am not." Azula tries to protest. But TyLee won't have any of it; between this and Tokki, Azula thinks that she has gone at least a little soft. She can't imagine TyLee letting her forget that. "I am not." She mutters again, more to herself.

"If you say so." TyLee replies. She nuzzles her head against Azula's chest. She does it because she knows it makes Azula feel like she's still the protector. The gesture is apricated, because Azula begins to realize that they can protect each other. TyLee must be getting to her, or maybe it is a lack of sleep, because she faintly considers that maybe Tokki is more badass than the both of them combined. Azula shakes her head, she really does need to get some sleep.

Feeling TyLee's arms around her, and her cheek at her breast, Azula thinks that for once, sleep will come easily.


	4. The Repetition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TyZula Week Day 4: Memories
> 
> Azula, locked away dwells on the past and draws a few parallels.

 Azula isn’t one for sentiments, but TyLee pushes her towards them. She isn’t the type to dwell on the past but memories are all she has at the moment. She misses the simpler days at the Fire Nation Academy for girls. The days when they didn’t particularly have to worry about the intricacies and hardships of war. The days before she became a child solider. Before they all had.

She still remembers when she first met TyLee and Mai. She still hadn’t been particularly well liked. She had still been terribly awkward and off beat in social functions. For it she had very little companionship; she had none at all, in fact. Most people resented her because she was the princess, because she had things that they didn’t, even though each and every one of them had come from money too. They still hated her for what she was born with.

She had sat and ate lunch alone and unhappy.

Funny how history seems to repeat itself.

She will be lying to herself if she says that they hadn’t said nasty things about her. She no longer recalls most of the insults but she remembers hearing them almost daily. She remembers that things always got worse when she fought back. She would always win, her tongue was sharper and her bending was stronger. But she had been left twice as isolated and thrice as hated for her victories. To the point where she began to hate herself too.

Funny how that seems simpler than what she has now. At least in those days she had freedom, she wasn’t alone and hated  _and_  confined tightly in a white jacket. At least in those days she got to go home at the end of the day, back to her palace where things were alright until the next day.

Azula swallows a lump in her throat, she tries to anyways. But she can’t and a few tears prickle at her eyes. Everyone around her was in the same condition as she; written off as purely insane and neglected or forgotten, perhaps both. And yet she has nothing in common with them. Just like, at the academy they hate her because she has come from a supposedly higher place. They hate her because she is the princess. Because she is still miserable and crazed despite having everything. They hate her because she has so much…had so much and still managed to mess everything up.

She feels as though her memories are becoming her reality again.

This time she doesn’t have the energy nor motivation to stand up for herself so she lets them chatter and spit horrible words at her. They are older, the insults are much worse, cut much deeper. Eventually she’ll grow numb to them, just as she had grown numb to the awful things her father had put her through.

She hasn’t seen a friendly face in a long time and she doesn’t think that she will find a Mai or a TyLee in this place.

So she regrets.

She regrets having lost them.

TyLee especially, with her peppy chatter. Annoying as her optimism could be, it was helpful. It brought her to a higher place. She longs to be back at a high place again. But she is so, close to the ground. She thinks that perhaps she is lower than the ground at this point, and digging deeper under. So she retreats into her memories.

The ones with the pleasant overtones.

She stares into an empty cup of tea, hellbent on prolonging this lunch time for as long as she can, it is the only time where she is allowed to have her hands unbound. She feels like an animal and it does her mental health little good.

“Princess, you have visitors.”

Azula scrunches her brows, she hasn’t had visitors since she’d arrived at the place. She wonders why she has them now. She doesn’t know how she feels about being pulled away from her solitude. She is twice as conflicted when she sees TyLee enter the room. She thinks that her already dull expression has dimmed more. She can only see this encounter taking a turn for the worse. In her mind she concocts various scripts where TyLee tells her off and reminds her that she is where she belongs. So she forces her wall up as high as she can manage. But when TyLee takes her hands it already begins to crumble, at the very least, it cracks.

Instead of talking about the present or the recent past, TyLee asks her if she remembers when they were about ten years old. “We snuck into your uncle’s room during a sleep over and gave him a beard trim. That was really funny. Remember, he even laughed to and said that he would be the most stylish man at the war council.

Azula remembers it very well. It was one of those few times where she didn’t hate her uncle. She actually rather liked him in that moment. She nods.

“What about that one time where we let Mai do our makeup and we all looked like raccoon-opossums.”

She nods affirmatively at this too. “Why?”

“Why what?” TyLee asks.

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know, I just thought that maybe it would be nice to think about happy times.”

“It’s actually depressing.” Azula sighs. “Especially when the future is so bleak.”

TyLee makes a face. “It doesn’t have to be.”

Azula’s own face remains impassive and blank. “Maybe not for you…”

“Not for you either.” TyLee insists. “Zuko says that if this goes well, you can come home.” She pauses, realizing that Azula doesn’t know exactly what ‘this’ entails. “Since it’s your birthday I though I would take you to dinner and then we can go to the palace for a bit and you can have a spa day…”

At some point Azula stops listening, it sounds far too idealistic. She has been planning to spend her birthday just is miserably as she has spent every other day of the year. She doesn’t know why TyLee is bothering with her.

“And hopefully you can patch things up with Mai too.” TyLee smiles warmly.

Now there was a far-fetched plan. Still she doesn’t exactly want to be alone for her birthday. Even if she can pretend for one day that things are alright, she might be better off. So she agrees. And with her agreement she is led outside. It is warm and sunny. Her memories have done a lot for her but, remembering what the sun felt like on her skin, was nothing like truly being out in it. She can’t help but give a real smile.

“See, I told you the future isn’t going to be grey.” TyLee squeezes her shoulder.

“Yes, we’ll see.”

Azula thinks it is strange how history seems to repeat itself.


End file.
